I think there are two sides to why I think I need to justify why I don't work. I'm afraid that women who do work will look down on me and think, well I do both, you have it so easy. Or they may want to stay home, but can't or feel that they can't and I don't want to rub it in their face. Not that we can really afford that I stay home because, well, we can't. But me being at home with the kids is the number one priority for my husband and me. Even if that means having a super tight budget, not being able to buy those cute colored jeans I keep seeing, not going to the theater to see the Avengers, not eating out at Olive Garden, and eating hamburgers and spaghetti every other week to save money on the grocery bill.
And sometimes I even find myself torn. Shouldn't I be contributing to the finances? I'm perfectly capable. I have a Bachelor's Degree and have always thought I would make a great business woman and that I had potential in the working world. But I really don't want to spend time away from my daughters. So it's worth the sacrifice to me to be the one to raise my kids and live a more frugal life. I still have dreams of starting an etsy shop and freelance writing for magazines and writing a children's book. And maybe someday I will, but for now I don't have tons of time with our baby being born...TOMORROW!...meaning I'll have a 16 month old and a newborn in about 24 hours. And they are my biggest priority now and always.
I'm definitely not one of those moms who focuses only on their children and practically suffocates them. I like to do what I like to do too and involve my daughter - to whatever point is possible. That has become a little easier as she's gotten older and I'm assuming it will be even more fun as she continues to learn and grow.
I've read a lot of things recently about women trying and wanting to "have it all." Meaning being able to be a mom and have an excellent career. But I don't know why having it all has to include a career. I totally understand the desire to be successful, but isn't it interesting that most women have a desire to be a mom? That we have this natural pull deep inside us to have children and have a loving family. I think having it all is having a husband who loves me and good, respectful, intelligent, fun children. And sure that can include my hobbies and things I like to do and maybe even a way to make a small income on the side by doing those hobbies. But I never ventured into the business world or the teaching world (which is what I got my degree in) and honestly, I have no regrets. I have it all, right here, in my little 960 square foot apartment on our little budget, with my amazing husband, and two beautiful little girls just being a mom.
Well put Alexis! I find myself in the same situation almost sometimes feeling embarrassed that I'm not doing anything "productive" in the worlds view. But, I think that is a social pressure that has been put on women. I like the C.S. Lewis quote that "The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only... to support the ultimate career."
ReplyDeleteI also agree! I too feel that way sometimes and it is nice to know that I am not alone! I also love the comment above... that is great! thank you for your words!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a stay at home mom...but I wish I was. I think being a mom is a difficult job from every angle. Don't sell yourself short! You are working too...just not getting a paycheck for it. :) GOod luck tomorrow. Megan
ReplyDeleteLove this post! I couldn't agree more. I am also a stay at home mom. I worked part time, but a few months after my son was born, I quit. I do run an Etsy shop, and some other things, but mostly, I'm a mom. And I some times also hesitate to say that I *just stay home* for fear of being judged by those who do both. It's funny how not very long ago, women were judged for WORKING and having kids, and now they're judged for NOT working and staying home with the kids. I guess it really comes down to "to each their own", and that could not be more true when it comes to how you need to raise your family.
ReplyDeleteAll parents who love their children and commit to raising them in a healthy, encouraging environment should be celebrated. Period. My mom did that while working outside the home. You're doing it by staying home with your daughter. If the kids feel loved, nurtured, and are grounded in good values then that is all that matters! Kudos to you, Alexis, for being an awesome mom! No matter where you spend your days!
ReplyDeleteYou'll never regret your choice to be at home Alexis.. you would however, regret giving up motherhood for a job.
ReplyDeleteGood for you and good luck with #2 :)
not able to meet the expenses and your budgets???? (11417)
ReplyDeleteHere's a chance to earn part time, a smart way to relief
your tight budgets by doing your work from home. You
can easily earn up to 10-20 $ per hour or 100$ per month.
For details visit http://www.jobzinn.com
Well said. I left a good career 10 yrs ago when I had my son and have no regrets. I love being there for my kids, through the fun time and the tantrums. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The last couple of years I've asked my daughter whose now 7, what she wants to be when she grows up and she always says a mommy. Sometimes it's a mommy and a ballerina, or a mommy and an artist, but always a mommy first. So I must be doing something right. So good for you putting your priorities in order in a way that works for you and your family. And best of luck with your new baby and the balancing act that comes with siblings.
ReplyDeleteStop it! stop feeling bad and questioning your decision to stay home. You're doing the right thing. A lot of women just can't afford to stay home and lots give in to the pressure of having it all. It's just not fair. In the 1950s women weren't expected to do it all, they stayed home with the kids. Then came "equality", but it didn't. Women are now expected to work AND take care of the house AND raise the kids - seriously, 3 full time jobs?? Good for you for putting your family first, I admire you.
ReplyDeleteAlexis- own your decision and go with it. No matter what side of the fence you are on, people will always question you. Make your decision based on your family and what you all need and do it. Be flexible and know that you can make changes as your kids grow and as your family needs it.
ReplyDeleteI was a out of the house career women until I had my twins (they will be 18 in just a few short months) and I knew that I would always be working my professional job. Then once I actually had the girls, I knew that I could not leave them to strangers all day. So that is when my career became them. I also have a 13 year old. Over the years I've taken on odd jobs and have learned a whole lot more about life by the path that we chose. I don't regret any choices made. To the world we would have had a lot more worldy possessions but to me we've been blessed with exactly what we need.
Enjoy your babies no matter what you do. They grow so fast.
I just loved this post. Remeber though that one of these days someone could ask you that question and also be a stay at home mom who enjoys her choice to be at home. Keeping that in mind could make it easier to answer. Come by and see us again on the blog.
ReplyDeleteThis is so wonderfully written! I'm not a momma yet (I am getting married in about 3 weeks so I see it happening in the next few years), but being a stay at home mom has always been something that is important to me. My mom stayed at home with my brother and me and we never had much money either but I have nothing but happy memories from my childhood--we were always at the park, playing with neighbor kids or making crafts with mom.
ReplyDeleteMy fiance doesn't understand this concept and believes in daycare/working moms (but he's slowly starting to come around). Your girls are lucky to have such a wonderful mom!!
P.S. I absolutely love your blog--I'm always so excited whenever I see you have a new post on my GFC feed.